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SUDDENLY, EVERYTHING GOT
15% MORE MAGICAL

"Just breathe," counsels UTA CEO Jeremy Zimmer to his team as the infused lattes they'd consumed start to kick in at Coachella. Soon the desert began to shimmer and undulate, and the five agency players saw a collective vision of a mystical spirit beast, part coyote and part reptile, that assembled itself from a wind-tossed cataract of sand and was possibly seeking representation. Seen thinking they did not ask for this trippy-ass caption are (l-r) : Music Agents Mike Guirguis and Chris Jordan, Director of Corporate Communications Lisa Stein, Global Head of Music David Zedeck and Zimmer.

NEAR TRUTHS: KINGDOMS
File under: The enemy of my enemy is my friend. (3/26a)
ONE SHINING HITS LIST
She shoots, she scores! (3/26a)
YTD MARKET SHARE
Zeroing in on the elite teams (3/27a)
BEST IN THE WEST:
STEVE BERMAN
High time for another Eminem skit (3/26a)
MUSIC REVENUE TOPPED $17B IN 2023: RIAA
Streaming subscriptions lead the charge. (3/27a)
THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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