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WE LOVE ZOOM PICTURES, REALLY

What's better than a bunch of postage-stamp-sized faces floating atop a vertiginous background pattern? Verily, this pandemic is the gift that keeps on giving. But we digress. Team Capitol is majorly stoked about artist Duncan Laurence, whose single "Arcade" has been certified gold. Tower chief Jeff Vaughn assembled the U.S. and Netherlands teams for the virtual hootenanny captured here, during which he surprised the artist with this gilded news; you can see Duncan's ebullient response on the bottom row. Among those joining from their couches, kitchen banquettes and/or windmills: President/COO Michelle Jubelirer, GM Larry Mattera, President, Promotion/EVP Greg Marella and Universal International Music Netherlands CEO & Prexy Kees van der Hoeven. "Arcade" is the first Eurovision Song Contest winner to become a Top 100 U.S. single in 45 years and is now officially the biggest thing to hit the Dutch since tulipomania. Quick, everyone: Get vaccinated so we can return to in-person trade shots.

NEAR TRUTHS:
SPRING BLOOMS
Here come the big guns. (3/29a)
THE COUNT: COLDPLAY IS HOT, COUNTRY'S COOKIN' IN THE U.K.
The latest tidbits from the bustling live sector (3/29a)
CITY OF HOPE TAPS MARCIANO FOR TOP HONOR
This year's philanthropic model (3/28a)
TRUST IN THE TOP 20
Hip-hop is no longer hibernating. (3/27a)
UMG BROADENS SPOTIFY OFFERINGS
Sir Lucian and Daniel are in harmony. (3/28a)
THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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