A BIBLICAL STORY THAT'S WELL PAST DUE

In yet another indication of the chaos said to be engulfing the industry bible, according to inside sources, several freelance writers have been trying, vainly, to get paid on invoices dating back to November, with a single contributor rumored to be owed a whopping $32k—and several others owed many thousands.

The scribe-stiffing is said to have begun in the wake of a mandate to trim 30% from the budgets of all departments, even as freelancers were enlisted to crank out more stories about stars wearing Louboutins and quaffing Cristal.

The company has of course been hemorrhaging money, having lost a staggering $20m per year over the last several years, causing the asking price for the company to balloon to $200m—but who would pay such a price given those losses? Unsurprisingly, owner Todd Boehly has sought buyers without success.

Meanwhile, with John Amato’s hands now on the wheel, some serious housecleaning has been taking place. Will Amato be forced to outsource the bulk of the bible’s editorial to interns, TaskRabbit or some online kids in Macedonia? Stay tuned.

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THE COUNT: ALL THE DESERT'S A STAGE
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THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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