THE OLYMPICS ARE SERIOUSLY DISTURBED

When France's Olympians Vanessa James and Morgan Ciprés free-skated to Disturbed's "Sound of Silence" (Warner Bros.) in Pyeongchang on 2/14, it was a double Valentine: in addition to an impressive couple performance, their turn rocketed the rock band's 2015 Simon & Garfunkel cover from outside the Top 200 to #2 at iTunes, where its sales came remarkably close (per numbers from Kworb.net) to those of top-selling smash "God's Plan" by Drake.

Figure skating also gave Celine Dion her biggest boost since Titanic (which also had a big ice component, you'll recall) with "Ne Me Quitte Pas," a Top 5 responder at Shazam. And two performances by other skaters (USA's Adam Rippon and Alex & Maia Shibutani) powered Coldplay track sales, with "O" making it into the iTunes Top 20.

Unfortunately, all this is bringing back memories of falling on our butts at the rink when we were 11. How they laughed at us. Laughed and laughed and laughed.

SPRING BREAKOUTS: THESE HEATERS ARE STILL HOT
Who's Boomin who. (4/25a)
SONG REVENUE: “SWEET” SMELLS OF SUCCESS
Life after "Church" (4/25a)
THE COUNT: ALL THE DESERT'S A STAGE
Jon Wayne is rolling over in his grave. (4/25a)
THE ODDS ON TUCKER WETMORE
Who's gonna get him? (4/25a)
GONE COUNTRY: HOUSE LIPMAN INVESTS IN WESTERN WEAR
The full Monte (4/25a)
THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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