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"I find this star to be of poor construction and designed with every cliché imaginable," intones SYCO founder, reality-competition mastermind and international music genius Simon Cowell on the occasion of his addition to the Hollywood Walk of Fame. "Listen, mate, could you keep your voice down a bit?" asks Sony Music boss Rob Stringer. "We're right across the street from the HITS offices, and I really don't want them to know I'm here."

Meanwhile, Idol alumna Kelly Clarkson beamed and Leron Gruber of the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce wondered when to slip Cowell his demo tape.

HITS LIST BLASTS OFF
Space is the place for Tay. (4/26a)
SONG STREAMS: SWIFT SETS STREAMING RECORD
What did you expect? (4/26a)
SPRING BREAKOUTS: THESE HEATERS ARE STILL HOT
Who's Boomin who. (4/26a)
SONG REVENUE: “SWEET” SMELLS OF SUCCESS
Life after "Church" (4/26a)
STAGECOACH: SETS TO SEE AND PLACES TO BE
Saddle up, cowboys and cowgirls. (4/26a)
THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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